is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
home. puking in laundry basket.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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