The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
