She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
