is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
