is your mom at the bar?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hippo gnu deer
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
