People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
