Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
