So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
