I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
