I can tuck mytits in my pants
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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