He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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