dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
