If i come over, it means nothing
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
