what day is it and did you see me today?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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