too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
