ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
