i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
