Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
