News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Help me help you realize you are a moron
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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