Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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