the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
