she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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