just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
