You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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