So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
