i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
