Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sober January is a disaster.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
