In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
