So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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