Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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