He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
