pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
