I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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