I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
