just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
