she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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