I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
