then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
