I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
