you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
