I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
