either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
