Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i will never coherently bang her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
