Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
