Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
