i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
