before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
