I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
