I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
