sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this just has baby written all over it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
