yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
