I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
