highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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