hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
