dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
