I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
